#im sorry im tired and tired of being underappreciated | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ice-emperor-zane · 4 years ago

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*inhales* Yellow cyan violet black gray claret penny ash jade pecan wine cherry ginger rust honey frost coconut fulvous mauve erin

Sorry not sorry I’m a curious simp

Oki, wow, this is a lot, aight lets do this lmao :)

Yellow: Name of an artist you think is underappreciated

oh god idk, hmm, @bigeloo? Idk im in a ninjago discord with them and sometimes they send their art there and its really cool

Cyan: Are you Religious? Spiritual?

I was raised Catholic but im now Agnostic (meaning I don’t know if theres a God or any Gods and im not gonna pretend to know)

Violet: Are you a part of the Lgbt+ community?

Yup :) Im nonbinary, im asexual, and i might be panromantic, or demiromamtic, im not sure, still questioning on that part tbh

Black: Would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

Im currently vegetarian, tho I dont care if yall eat meat or whatever, im lucky to be in a situation where I can be vegetarian and I completely understand that some ppl can’t or just don’t want to, besides, theres way bigger problems on this earth right now than wether people eat meat or not. I doubt i’ll ever go vegan, because cheese and chocolate is very tasty, but maybe someday when the vegan substitutes for those things improve, then maybe I might :)

Gray: How many Languages Do you speak? Do you want to learn more?

Mostly English, and very minimal French and Spanish from school. I’ve tried to learn Japanese before too from like duolingo, so i know a little bit of that, and I made myself memorise how to say ‘sorry, I don’t speak much of [insert language], do you speak English?’ in a few languages for if I ever end up traveling there before learning to speak the language. But im only really like fluent in English lol

Claret: Do you play an instrument? do you want to learn to play any?

I did piano lessons for about a year until quarantine and I’ve learnt a few songs from those youtube tutorials, but other than that I dont know any. It would be cool to do singing lessons, because unfortunately I am a little bit of a theatre kid and would love to randomly start singing ‘Michael in the bathroom’ from Be More Chill

Penny: Icecream or cake?

Both are poggers, probably icecream, but oh my fsm, my Mom makes the best cakes ever, she could do it professionally, they are so nice, yall have no idea

Ash: Can you do your own makeup?

Yeah, i love doing makeup, i once tried to have a makeup instagram account, it didnt go too well (i quit after about a month) but i still love doing it as a hobby :) (im actually trying to do makeup less at the moment though, it was making me a little bit dysphoric, but as an occasional thing, like being a drag queen, its great!)

Jade: Ever written fanfiction?

Yeah, mostly just one shots and little drabbles though, and I haven’t in a while, might start doing stuff again soon, maybe, idk

Pecan: Shuffle your playlist, what’s the first song that comes up

It was this: https://youtu.be/DGTDcZxs0ww (“Sub Urban- Cradles (slowed)”)

Wine: do you have a ��type’?

Kinda debatable,, most/all the people I’ve dated have had similar vibes, but wether I actually liked any of them is a different question 😳😳😳

Cherry: youtubers you enjoy watching

Maybe Jessie Paege? Or Pm Seymour? To be honest, most of my youtube recommendations are somehow tiktok compilations, because my tiktok fyp has always been really weird so instead of actually using tiktok on the app i use it via youtube

Ginger: any sideblogs?

yeah and im embarrassed of them, yall will never know 😳

wait theres one yall can know about, i have the url “Wohira” but I’ve never like posted anything there

Rust: form of art you enjoy doing?

As well as makeup which i mentioned before, theres also digital art, which i do the most often :)

Honey: your thoughts on magic? Does it exist?

I think it’d be very cool if it did, and i hope it does? Like ive never seen magic stuff ofc, and i have my doubts that its real, but it sounds fun so like idk, maybe it is? I’d like to believe it is?

Frost: a -core you enjoy

Looking at the aesthetics wiki, i think maybe mostly bloomcore?

Coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

Psychology, its all really interesting and i wish they taught it at my school, because where I am you have to take it as an option that only starts in 11th grade (currently in 9th grade)

Fulvous: another name you think would suit you?

Buddy im still trying to find one, im currently going by Rae and that seems nice maybe? but oh my god ive used like 20 names before now and not a single one of them seemed right lmao

Mauve: any unpopular oppinions?

I probably have a few, but i can’t think of them off the top of my head, and im not really looking for discourse,, so,,, no?

Erin: What Was/Is your best school subject

Ive already answered this one, i’ll copy/paste it? Oki so

Maybe maths? Or art? Tho honestly, none of my grades are consistent and I can go from an A to an Ungraded and back again in a heartbeat 😎 (and not even an F, an ungraded, like they litterally cant grade it its so bad lmao 🤩✨) I think it depends more on what teacher i have for the lesson and how tired I am on the day of any tests more than subject itself? If that makes sense lol

And its done! Heck yeah! :)

#this legit took an hour lmao #oh well it was fun 🤩#tysm for the ask!#edit: wait i didnt put this in any of the usual tags why is it visible in the ninjgao tags wtf

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the-awkward-outlaw · 5 years ago

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Arthur denying his feelings for reader be like: plays Hercules (1997) - I Wont Say Im In Love

Anon, this one turned out so cute and fluffy, I’m literally on the verge of death!

Masterlist

Read on AO3

Arthur’s leaning against a tree at the edge of Clemens Point, feeling like a lovestruck idiot. He’s been watching you for longer than he cares to admit. Despite being the newest member of the gang, you’ve continuously surprised him over the past few weeks. It was the obvious stuff at first, the way you wore your hair, the way you talked to people (especially him), how you treated your horse. Now it’s the small things he’s taken notice of. How you brush the hair from your face, how you like to watch the sunrise while drinking your morning coffee.

He rubs his hand down his face, knowing he shouldn’t get involved with you. He’s a fool for falling for you in the first place. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, he thinks, but no one would want his affections. Besides, he’s had too many bad experiences with romantic relationships that it’s just easier to be alone. He’s still heartbroken about how things ended between him and Mary, and thoughts of Eliza and Isaac still torment him. The last thing he wants is to add you to his list.

He crosses his arms, still leaning against the tree and watching you walk across the camp to go and feed the chickens. He watches them gather around your feet, pecking at the grass for the food you’re tossing down. He’s almost tempted to join your side, to look for any excuse to talk to you. You’ve become close friends after all, talking comes easy. But he’s decided to try and push you away, he can’t risk falling for you. Or at least falling for you more than he already has.

“Hey ol’ man, grumpy Morgan!” Sean chuckles, coming towards him. He’s clearly on guard duty, the repeater in his hands.

“What you want, boy?” Arthur says, clearing his throat and looking towards the lake, trying to look innocent.

“Nothin’. Just wonderin’ when you’s gonna ask that girl out. Y’know, Karen was tellin’ me the other day how Y/N fancies you. It ain’t a secret you fancy her too. Why not just do everyone a favor, take her out?”

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” Arthur growls. “It ain’t like that between us.”

“Oh I can see it all over your face, Morgan. You. Love. Her.”

“You’re the world’s biggest fool, Sean. If you know what’s best for ya, you’ll shut your mouth.”

“I knew it, I knew it!” Sean laughs. “Yer the most predictable person. Whenever someone says somethin’ about you that’s true, ya get all defensive and angry. Just do yerself a favor, take that girl out on the town. Hey, if ya need an excuse, I overheard her sayin’ she’s been missin’ the ‘forests of West Elizabeth’.” He makes air quotes.

Before Arthur can snap at him again, he walks away, chuckling lightly. Arthur sighs and leans further against the tree. Sean’s definitely given him something to think about. The forests of West Elizabeth, he repeats silently. What exactly does that mean? He knows you come from out west and that you prefer it out there, much like himself. He’s never heard you talk about forests or anything like that.

Against his better judgment, Arthur comes up with a plan and decides to bring it to you. Besides, he’d be lying if he didn’t want a reason to take you out somewhere alone. Not to try anything, of course, but he enjoys your company. There’s something about you that he finds addictive.

He walks slowly up to you, wringing his hands a bit. He’s nervous that you’ll see right through him. When he gets close to you, still feeding the chickens, he notices something’s wrong. It’s your energy, you just seem down. Your shoulders sag, as though a weight presses down on you. He clears his throat, catching your attention.

“You a’right?” he asks quietly.

Your head snaps up and you look at him. Instantly, the sadness from your face flickers and is replaced by your soft smile. He can tell you’re faking it though.

“Oh hi, Mr. Morgan. Yeah, I’m doing just fine. How are you?”

“Just dandy. Hey listen, I was plannin’ on goin’ out huntin’, figured I could use a partner. You wanna come?”

You pause for a moment. Arthur wants to take you hunting? Why? Sure, you’re familiar enough with a bow and a gun to use them, though the results aren’t always perfect. Maybe word’s gotten around camp that you were crying last night. You were just overwhelmed by everything and had to let it out. The mood still lingers. Arthur must be inviting you because he feels obligated to cheer you up. It doesn’t help you to feel better. It makes you feel like an even bigger burden since Arthur’s constantly bigger running jobs. Still, you have a hard time finding a reason to say no to him.

“Sure, I’ll go hunting. I, uh, hope you don’t mind dragging me along.”

Your choice of words catches him off guard. He’d heard nothing about you breaking down the night before but the dimness of your eyes and your words tells him how bad your state is.

“Don’t mind at all. Would you wanna go now?”

You look over at the setting sun. It’s nearly gone by this point.

“Now?” you ask. “Wouldn’t it be better to go in the morning when it’s light?”

He huffs a bit. “Well I suppose, if that’s what you want. Course I don’t mind spendin’ a night under the stars. But sure, we’ll leave in the morning.”

You feel stupid all of a sudden. You’ve spent plenty of nights in the open, away from camp. It’s just harder to hunt at night. “Mr. Morgan, wait. Wait. I… Yes, we can leave now. I don’t know why I was being stupid.”

He turns back around at your words. He smiles a bit. “Okay. I’ll uh meet ya by the horses. Five minutes?”

You nod and finish feeding the chickens. You try clearing your head, especially the nasty thoughts swirling around. You don’t want to seem like a self-pitying fool around Arthur. You’ve been low-key flirting with him the past couple of weeks and he’s noticeably pulled away from you since. You didn’t want to give him another reason to run away.

After gathering your things, you meet him by the horses and mount up. The two of you head out at a brisk trot. Arthur starts leading you north along the borders of Flat Iron Lake. You want to ask him where he’s thinking of hunting, but your current mood forces you to keep quiet. No one would want to hear you talk anyways. You start questioning why he even wanted to bring you out in the first place. The only thing you can come up with is that it’s because he’s a good man and he heard you were in need of a friendly face. It makes you feel like even more of a burden.

On the northern side of Scarlett Meadows, Arthur pulls to a stop. The sun has set properly now and given way to a nearly full moon. He dismounts and the two of you set up camp. As you sit around the fire, waiting for your meat to finish cooking, he can tell by your eyes that you’re far away. He doubts you’re in a good place. It makes him want to put his arms around you and tell you all the things he feels about you, but he made a promise. He can’t tell you.

“You uh want the tent tonight?” he asks. “I can sleep out here tonight.”

“No, Mr. Morgan. It’s your tent, you should sleep in it.”

He huffs and smiles a bit. “Ya can call me Arthur, miss. Ain’t exactly like we’re strangers.”

You smile a bit. “Right, sorry.”

He pulls the meat off the fire and gives you some to eat. When you’re done, he sits next to you. He feels like you just need a friend to help you out, yet he isn’t sure how to do it without admitting he’s got feelings for you. You yawn heavily.

“You should get some sleep. I’ll stay up a bit, not quite tired yet.”

Instead of agreeing and getting up to lie in your bedroll, you lean over and put your head on his shoulder. He stiffens up a bit at your touch but it’s such a welcome feeling, he can’t pull away. He realizes now that you, like everyone else in camp, have just been overworked and underappreciated in camp. This will be the best medicine for you, getting you away and just taking a break. He wonders again about the phrase “forests of West Elizabeth”. As he’s pondering, he’s also fighting with himself. Nothing would give him more pleasure than to wrap his arm around you or pull you in his lap and hold you against him and watch you sleep. He won’t do that though. He can’t do it.

As he’s arguing with himself, he hears the softest snore come from you. He smiles when he realizes you’ve passed out on his shoulder. He gently picks you up and places you into hsi bedroll in the tent. He covers you with his blanket and then he sits back down by the fire. He smiles a little as he thinks about what could be between you if he were dumb enough to take that chance.

***********************************************

In the morning, he notices you seem a little happier, a little more like yourself. Like you’ve finally been able to relax a bit and get a good sleep for the first time in days. You talk a bit more, yet he can tell you’re choosing your words carefully, which is unlike you. One of the things he admires about you is that you say what you think, even if it’s brutal. He knows he can trust what you say.

You expect him to take you somewhere like the outskirts of Emerald Ranch where game is plentiful. Instead, he keeps leading you west, across the wide mouth of the Dakota River and into West Elizabeth. Seeing the tall pines and green grasses lifts your spirits greatly and you feel like you can take your first proper breath in weeks.

Arthur can see the visible change in you, how your eyes begin to light up again. You smile more easily and start talking more. He notices you even make some of your light jokes. He’s always liked your jokes, cheesy as some of them are. You’ve got a natural sense of humor he finds endearing. He thinks to take you to Big Valley, but something tells him it’s not enough. He needs to take a bigger risk with you.

After arriving at Lake Owanjilla, he pauses. He knows where he wants to take you, but it’s incredibly dangerous. Not because the land but because of where it lies. He just hopes that no one will see the pair of you and if they do, they won’t connect the dots.

“Come on, we’re almost there,” he says and he kicks his horse into an easy trot. You follow him across the dam, down the trail and over the river. You wonder what he’s up to as you enter Tall Trees. You know the risks of going anywhere this close to Blackwater. Word is bounty hunters and Pinkertons have gathered here like flies to a rotting corpse. You want to tell him it’d be wiser to go back, but something tells you to not question him. That he knows what he’s doing.

After a while longer, Arthur slows his horse down. You’re in the thick of Tall Trees, the pines growing high above your heads. The world has turned from green to red with speckles of blue and purple. You’ve always loved Tall Trees, the tall red pines and the green ferns growing between them. The smell is indescribable, addictive. Somewhere hidden in the trees, a squirrel begins to bark.

Arthur looks back at you and grins. You don’t see him as you’re busy gazing at the trees. He can tell that this was exactly what you needed, despite the obvious dangers. He keeps leading you down the trail until the trees break and give way to a small lake nestled in the bowl of the mountains. This is where he finally stops and dismounts. You do as well, though you’re still staring around like a complete moron. You finally turn to him and give him a genuine smile, which makes his knees feel weak.

“Arthur, this is beautiful. But… what are we doing here?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Just seemed like this would be a good place to come and… fish.”

“Fish?” you giggle. “You came here to fish?”

“Sure, why not? Hear there’s a real nice bass livin’ in this lake. Figure if anyone’s gonna catch him, might as well be me.”

“Not if I catch him first!” you shoot and run towards the water. He calls to you and chases after you, the two of you laughing madly. You reach a broken pier first and pull out your rod. “Beat you, Arthur!”

“Oh trust me, sweetheart, runnin’ ain’t fishin’. We’ll see in the end who’s the real winner.”

The two of you cast out and slowly pull your lures back. With the sun beating down and the wind carrying the intoxicating smell of the forest, you couldn’t be happier. You can practically feel the black cloud that’s been hovering over you getting drawn out, like venom from a snake.

Arthur’s line gets tugged hard and he yanks back his pole, setting the hook. “Ooh I got somethin’.”

“Well pull it in, quick!”

You watch him fight with the fish and then he pulls out a beautifully colored bass. You laugh and pat his shoulder.

“He’s a beauty! Good catch, Arthur. Guess you won this round.”

He chuckles and wraps the fish up before putting it into his satchel. “Yeah, guess I did.”

For the next hour, the two of you fish a little more, bringing out multiple trout and bass. Then, just when you think the two of you might be able to get away with staying here for a long while, you hear, echoing across the water, voices. It sounds like a small group of men. Your heart drops at the thought of bounty hunters. There’s no doubt in your mind they might be scouring Tall Trees. It’s the perfect place for a gang to hide, after all.

“Think we’ve outstayed our welcome,” Arthur says and collapses his pole. You do the same and then you both swiftly remount your horses and run off from the lake, avoiding the path. Over the next half hour, you dodge between trees and carefully navigate around the steep drops of the mountain until you hit the trail right above Owanjilla. There, you make your way across the river and into safe lands again. Arthur leads you over to the north end of the lake where he finally dismounts.

“Well that was a fine outing, Mr. Morgan,” you say, patting your horse’s neck from the ground.

“Sure. Well, figure we can hunt here the next couple of days. Know there’s plenty of game in Big Valley.”

You nod and smile at him. “Yeah. But tell me: did you really take me there for a fish?”

He blushes a bit and hides his head beneath his hat. “Well… well no. I known the fish was there a long time, but I didn’t go for it. I just thought you could use the fresh air.”

This makes you laugh. “Arthur, I can get fresh air in plenty of places that have fewer risks.”

He blushes more. “I know. But… well, I won’t lie to ya. I figured the place could do you some good. Heard you were tellin’ Karen you missed it and you seemed down the last couple of days. Just thought I might be able to help.”

You smile at him, your eyes glittering. “Thank you, Arthur. You’ve no idea how much it helped.” You lean up and place a soft kiss to his cheek. He grins, his cheek burning. You look away and say you’re going to go and hunt. He lies by saying he’s going to try and fish a bit more.

When you’re out of sight, Arthur sits down on a boulder. “What is the matter with me? Ya think a miserable outlaw like myself would learn. Morgan, you have the world’s best record of bein’ the biggest fool.”

He sits there for some time, arguing with himself. He can’t love you, but he can’t help being in love. A voice in his head asks what’s the worst that could happen by just letting himself feel what he’s already feeling for you. He argues back by using Mary and Eliza as examples.

“But she isn’t Eliza or Mary,” the voice says. “She’s Y/N and in completely different circumstances than they were. She knows how to protect herself, she’s been robbed and shot at before and came out alive in all those situations.”

“No no no,” he says. “She’ll come to realize I’m a fool like Mary did. I’ll mess things up and she’ll hate me for it.”

“She already knows you’re a fool. She’s seen your crazy side, she knows how scary you can get. More than once, in fact, and she’s still around isn’t she? Mary saw that side one time and she ran off running. Y/N’s different. Never once has she asked you to change or to control yourself.”

“It’s a dumb move!” Arthur says. “I ain’t in love with her nor am I ever gonna be in love with her! She deserves someone better.”

The voice is a bit quieter this time. “It seems like it’s too late for her. You saw the way she looked at you in Tall Trees. She’s already got it for you.”

“Well, she’s a bigger fool than I thought for doin’ that.”

“No doubt. But if you leave her like this, she’s not going to wait around forever. She doesn’t deserve that either.”

Arthur sighs. He knows you don’t deserve him playing you the way he’s been lately. “Well fine,” he says to the voice in his head. “I love her. I love Y/N, but I ain’t sayin’ it out loud.”

********************************************

Night has fallen and you and Arthur are sat around the campfire again, nestled in Big Valley. You’re leaning your head against his shoulder once more like you did the night before. Arthur’s arguing with himself again. He knows he loves you but he’s still unsure if he should act on it. To act on it would be to admit it.

“Arthur?” you say, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you again for today. I… can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve been real sad lately. Don’t know why, but my brain keeps telling me I’m a burden on everyone, I’m merely tolerated. But going back to that lake helped me feel centered again. Like going home. I know that doesn’t make any sense.”

He smiles a bit. “No it makes perfect sense. And for the record: you ain’t a burden or tolerated. People in camp like you, darlin’. You should hear Jack tell his mama about your stories. Sounds like you been helpin’ Mary-Beth too. And you were the first person to get Karen to stop drinkin’ the other day. Can’t tell you how long we been tryin’ to help her quit.”

“Really?” you ask, looking up at him. “And… and what about you? I know you only took me out today because you heard I needed a pick-me-up.”

“No, no that ain’t the reason,” he says. “I didn’t know you needed help until we were away from camp. Like I said, you ain’t a burden. You work hard, I see that in camp. Work as hard as anyone else and eight times as much as Uncle.”

You giggle a bit.

“Point is, me and everyone else who counts sees how much you work in camp. We notice. I know we don’t voice our appreciations, especially ol’ Grimshaw, but it doesn’t mean we don’t see it.”

You surprise him by grabbing the hand on his knee and squeezing it lightly. He knows at this moment he can’t hold back any longer. He withdraws his hand and your heart sinks. You’ve crossed a line. You’re about to pull away from his shoulder until you feel him shifting himself and his hand winds over your hip. He pulls you into his lap and you settle your head on his chest.

Arthur’s heart pounds hard in your ears. He’s wanted to do this for so long with you, imagined doing this. He’s held women like this to him before so he knows what it feels like, but this is different. You’re different. You fit against him like a puzzle piece, perfectly molded to him. You’re warm and it feels so good the way you wrap your arms around him. He kisses your hairline and settles his chin to your forehead.

After a few moments, he feels you place a soft kiss to his chest. It makes him smile and he holds you tighter.

“Arthur?” you say, looking up at him.

“Hmm?”

“I think I love you,” you say quietly. He swallows heavily. “Well I hope so. Because… I know I love you.”

#rdr2 fanfic #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #awkward asks

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tired-toby · 4 years ago

Text

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song

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recordmcqueen · 4 years ago

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when ppl ask me why im anxious

sorry i just have a lot going on n i kinda need to vent

uhh trigger warning for a bunch of stuff? dont bother reading but if u are gonna click then just beware

this education system freaking sucks theres like 13h till school is supposed to start but i havent heard a peep from either of my teachers so uhhhh lmao what the heck wHAT IS GOING ON SOMEONE TELL ME SOMETHING PLS HHHHHH

ive been swinging between feeling bitter and spiteful and just plain sad cause heck i cant stop feeling lonely like ive basically limited myself to tumblr to avoid certain toxic individuals but even here its just so dead n lonely and i feel awful for underappreciating the people who are here for me on this hecksite but god a hyperfixation is a hyperfixation and ngl im kinda miserable :’)) not to be “not like other X” but fr theres a thousand ways i fail to relate from timezones to socmed platforms to talents and just hhhhhh yeah ive had way too much drama and bad experiences and i kinda wanna move but i also feel guilty again for underappreciating the ppl who Do support me and im just perpetually torn between wanting to feel accepted and wanting to just break away from All of Them and hhhhhh it just plagues my mind and wont go away :’))

the weight loss is so confusing and stressful cause i just end up feeling bloated and everything feels out of proportion and im so tiredddd all the time and just hhhh i want my body to look normal and my clothes to fit the way they used to :’))

university applications are coming up real soon and idfk what im doing like ye im pre sure im going into psych but god is it even worth it?? and then whereeeee do i apply like hhhhhhhhhh

cause like my dad is anxious as i am abt where to work hes got a job in bc which he loves but he just got an offer in ontario which is like TORONTO!!! but like uni there is so expensive and he really does like his bc job but the perks of being based in ontario like also cause all the social life is there?? hhhhhhhhh and hes constantly debating it and asking for our advice and man u know im indecisive hhhhhh

im always irritable and annoyed and ive been sleep-deprived for this past week and gosh look at school tomorrow :’))) it just gets so overwhelming ahahahaha

not to mention the depressive episode i had a few weeks ago we went to the doctor n talked abt it n the lab results should be in soon but oh gosh those episodes mess me up so bad like my train of thought is effed up and this time was even worse than the first cause this time i was at home and had access to a blade so ofc i just went for it but what iff next time (is there even gonna be a next time?? like i thought it was a one time thing but then it happened again and im???) and im scared ill be in an even riskier position hhhhhh i dont Want to hurt myself but,,,i also kinda wanna do?

i keep having thoughts of not deserving life and just how my presence isnt worth much to other ppl and how i end up hurting the ppl who Do care and just being hurt over and over but gaslit every time so ofc i end up feeling like every bad thing that happens to me is inherently my fault and god im so tired im so tired of having to reach out every time in attempts to communicate and make rationality of whatever mess my headspace is hhhh and im not a good enough student or friend or fan or Anything at least ill be good dead???

im not actively trying to hurt myself most of the time but its just that lingering feeling of wanting to go to sleep and not wake up and every moment of happiness is so Fleeting and dont get me wrong im doing Better but Better is still Bad so :’))))

on top of that i feel god awful for neglecting people who care abt me all while continuing to complain about being lonely lotus i am so sorry i barely check whatsapp idk why i just dont have the energy but you deserve better than that :’))

and ofc being surrounded by hypocrisy gets real draining so ahahahahahaha

therapy is $$$ but venting to tumblr under a readmore?? free real estate binches

#allya squawks #allya vents #ignore me pls #im just trying to make sense of my braincells #:'))#im trying okay #god its hard

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kinkymagnus · 5 years ago

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YOU MUST READ THIS AND HERE IS WHY YOU DUMBASS FUCKS,,,,,,,

[crawls out of my deep hole to clap my pots and pans together and scream about how much i love this]

do you Y’ALL KNOW WHAT’S UP?

WHAT’S UP IS THIS GODDAMN FIC, OK? aka the best goddamn fic in this fandom, that is BEAUTIFUL. AND. AMAZING. AND. FROM. AN UNDERAPPRECIATED AUTHOR. WHO IS AMAZING. Y’ALL. Y’ALL!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY AREN’T YOU READING IT? WHAT THE FUCK?

i mean what more could you want?

it’s got

MALEC BEING DUMB AS SHIT

idiots to lovers!!

friends to lovers!!!! in the sweetest way!!!

camille belcourt being the fucking bitch-ass little motherfucker she is

seriously tho like ACTUALLY TALKING about the aftermath and implications of camille’s abuse, taking the time (in this cute-ass fluffy fic!!) to explain and deal with how much that fucked him up, the trauma she caused him!!

do you know how goddamn FUCKING RARE IT IS to see ANYTHING like that in this fandom???????

DO YOU??????

IT’S VERY RARE

and alec is so supportive in the best way possible okay everything about this handled so well and with such obvious care okay. okay??? okay???? OKAY????? WHY AREN’T YOU READING THIS ALREADY YOU DUMB SON OF A

trans magnus. trans magnus is so excellent, and it is an explicit part of the fic, which is truly beautiful. it’s so good.

muslim magnus, too!! beautiful!! stunning!!! show-stopping!!!

the tag “Genius Magnus Bane”, which is like, the best tag ever and it’s actually a crime people don’t use it

it’s so thoughtful and well-written and it’s like. sweet and funny and heart wrenching in equal parts okay i lvoe it so mcudhfg

so many funny moments tho like the humor in this is astounding,, it appeals to me on a deep personal level

like every time alec gay panics about how beautiful magnus is

“he has.....arm”

beautiful

truly beautiful

good characterization!!! god, the mannerisms and dialogue, the way they interact with each other, the way they talk to each other, it’s all so in-character and beautiful???? the description and imagery is vivid and it’s so like, them that it’s like ur watching it all play out ok i love it so much what the fuck it’s beautfrulsdfgdkfg

WHY AREN’T YOU READING IT YET WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS OH MY GOD GO AND

includes magnus’s friends and support system???? catarina, ragnor, raphael, his friends like, ACTUALLY EXIST AND ARE THERE AND ARE EXCELLENT

good plot ,very fun, sweet, love it,

the cuddles!!!!!!!!! they’re so pure and warm!!!!!!! i love it !!!!!!!!!!!!1

brain machine broke i love this too much

it gave me SEROTONIN!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO?

IT IS VERY HARD

I AM VERY SMALL AND VERY TIRED AND THE SEROTONIN MACHINE IS LONG SINCE BROKE

BUT IT COUGHED AND SPUTTERED AND SHUDDERED BACK TO LIFE TO SPIT OUT A FEW GOOD OL SEROTONIN WHEN I READ THIS FIC

i just LOVE THIS so MUCh

@tothetrashwhereibelong i love u and you are SO UNDERAPPRECIATED

WHY DOES NO ONE READ UR SHIT IT IS THE BEST SHIT IT IS THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

pls read it it’s so good

sorry for calling you a dumbass fuck im just very passionate about this

what’s it about you ask???

basically magnus is at one of those charity auction things where u auction off a date and then CAMILLE shows so ALEC swoops in and they LOVE EACH OTHER have to go on a date, oops!

it’s so good y’all

in conclusion: i love it. go read it. please go read it

ANYWAY GO READ THIS NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY YOU DUMB FUCKS I’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT NOT REALLY BUT I WILL BEG YOU WITH MY PUPPY DOG EYES PLEASE DO IT

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #fic rec #fic recc #please read this please do it i am begging u i cannot stand for this writing to go underappreciated any longer #appreciatetothetrashwhereibelong2k19

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caruliaa · 5 years ago

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in sorry if this doesn't make any sense but like i feel asleep at 5 am last night and woke up a 9 am and am now in that weird state you when ur tired but also suddenly you just realise stuff and like

love or literally the core of humanity, of every person on earth

like theres is so many forms of love in this world, theres the love that you have for your friends or your significant other, or you family, blood or not, you have love for their kindness, their sense of humour, the way that just seeing their face irl or profile pic online brings you joy, for the way they talk about their passion, and for the way they listen to you talk about yours, for the way that they can turn a terrible day into a wonderful ones and for the (before covid guys, social distance!!) huge hug or smile you give them when you finally meet them again after being separated or the way you get filled with extiment and joy when theyre finally back online after going on holiday or after theyre no longer grounded, the way you can talk to them about your love for others to them, and they can to you, and in a way it just cements your love for each other more. and like i know this probably not gonna maje sence to a lot of ppl bc im single and i dont have the best relationship with my family so this is just about me friends but i think regardless of if its platonic famililall or romantic there are just some people that you have so much love for that it fills your heart up with joy.

but the thing is that there are other little forms of love that you have for so many people, people you dont even know, the you aren't mutuals with but you still always reblog their posts, or even the ones you are mutuals with that youve never really talked to or have only taljed to a few times and yet you still have so much love for them and feel like you're friends without even saying it. or for the person whos haircolour you complimented in the shops once, or the love you have for the sweet excited dog you neet on a walk whose owner lets you pet, or the authors of those fanfics that can make you entire day, and might bring you a step closer to loving and excepting yourself in some cases, who make your day with their stories and whose days you make eith your comments . like there are jost so many little bits of love between relative strangers in the world and even though you only talk to them once or twice just little forms of joy you bring to them and they bring to you just makes the world a bright place and i think thats beautiful

and honestly i think one of the most underappreciated forms of love out their is the love ppl have for their passions and hobbies and interests. the way ppl can have such a love for doing something and an interest in it that they learn how to master it. the way that people can have real love for people that never existed, that you can care so much for little aspects of strangers and traits nade of fiction on the form a fictional character and world. and all the little ways this ties into other types of love to, the way that someone can make something and parts of it can connect so deeply eith your core that you can almost here ther voice saying "you're not alone on those feelings" the way that passion over hobbies and media can bring people together and be the cause of friendships that last years.

just, i know obviously there are so many problems in this world, and it isnt exactly the best place really ever but i think just like every person has some love within them and that just makes the world a little bit less shitty

#Flappy rambles #this makes no sence #and also i made myself cry fuck #also ik their typoes shush

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notwxrriors · 6 years ago

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Im so sorry if this is too much but Jawff is so underappreciated and I thought youd have fun with these: 1, 6, 7, 8, 18, 27, 28, 29, 36, 37, 40, 41, 45

ur SO RIGHT on both things,,,,jawff is god tier and i ADORE THEM and i love doing these

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

jawn likes being the big spoon, wrapping his arms around geoff and holding him as close as he can, leg over geoff’s hip. by morning they’re always in some tangle of limbs, and whoever wakes first kisses the other one awake and it’s VERY SWEET

6. Any tasks that are always left to one person?

of course, any and all photography things go straight to jawn, even silly things like taking photos of the sunset geoff wants to remember, or flowers they see on their walk that geoff finds particularly pretty. he always gives jawn his phone and asks if jawn will take photos of them, and jawn thinks it’s a little funny but he always does

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

for geoff, it’s jawn always staining the whole bathroom red every time he redyes his hair, even when he’s trying super hard to not. for jawn, geoff’s pretty frequently late to things (and makes jawn late, in turn), and it drives jawn fckn crazy

8.What do the like best about their partner?

geoff loves jawn’s hair (despite the mess he makes) and jawn’s voice. he could listen to jawn talk all day long and never get tired of it. he also admires jawn’s talent, is constantly in awe of jawn’s videos and photos. jawn loves geoff’s hands and his eyes - he can never seem to capture how blue they are, just how beautiful. also, he loves watch geoff on stage, how free he is up there

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

they take a lot of walks together, hand in hand, things that give them time to talk idly and enjoy each others company. stargazing is another favorite one, driving far away from the lights of houston and laying a blanket out in some field, laying together under the stars. they date a looong time before they get married, 5+ yrs. i’m sure they go through rough patches, times when things are hard, and maybe take a break but it only lasts like a week bc theyre whipped for one another

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

they have at least a kid, if not a few !!! geoff’s always wanted to be a dad and it’s an idea jawn shares after a few yrs of marriage. and u knOW they grow old together and have grandchildren and 😭😭😭

28.What are their vacations like?

aWW really sweet, they don’t tend to go far, usually just roadtrips to a few states over to get to a decent beach. it’s nice, to spend time together away from houston, and roadtrips together are always so fun, they always choose it over flying

29. How do the handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

neither handle disasters/emergencies very well, both are prone to being very panicky but they try to keep the other calm the best they can. jawn rarely gets injured, but when geoff broke his wrist, jawn was SO concerned for him and tried to held any way he could. it’s a very caring relationship in general which is only reinforced when one of them is sick, the other taking care of them the best they can

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

they’re just !! very good, very and supportive and loving. they bring each other so much joy and it’s easy to see. weakness is probably avoidant of conflict, neither of them like to bring up issues but ultimately end up having to

37.How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross?

ah this is Such a Question,,, i dont want to cop-out on it but i genuinely think they’re both so deeply connected with one another that sacrifices would be doable, like if they were seperated due to work for a long time or smthn one of them would easily choose to quit if the other wasnt like “DONT DO THAT PLEASE”

40.Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

so much of their relationship is closely documented bc of jawn, so a lot of memories are tangible things. the first show jawn photographed for them, their first date/kiss/time; sillier moments like slow dancing in the kitchen together or playing in the snow, stuff like that are all things they both value a lot. and big stuff, like playing warped and mainstage at festivals and releasing albums, or when he and jawn get a house together.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

neither of them are very big on parties or drinking, but it happens infrequently. jawn’s very handsy when he’s drunk, touching geoff anywhere he can manage, kissing geoff and whispering absolutely obscene things to him. geoff’s a giggly drunk, so of course this makes him blush deep pink and laugh loud

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

simple american-dream’y type things, like moving in together and getting married and having kids have always been dreams for the two of them. neither of them think they would’ve done anything different if given the chance, but they’re both often nostalgic about things that have happened

#ask #jawff #sorry this took so long i was GOIN THRU IT

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rqs902 · 6 years ago

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OMGOSHH EP 5 IS YAO CHI APPRECIATION TIME YESSSSSSSSSS HAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSS

ok bc i couldnt help but include some spoilers, the rest is going under the cut:

iqiyi giving mr tyger all the group shots bc........

BROOOOO CHEN SIJIAN’S RAP!!!!!!!!!!!! omgogomg this is where wuzelinwuzelinwuzelinsunzelinsunzelinsunzelinkeqinmingkeqinmingkeqinming comes frommmm i love itttt his lyrics are hilarious!!! and also immediately being like ‘ill get rid of wu zelin!’ when mc jin brings it up HAHHAHA

daniel is a cutie!!!!

yao chi talking about his rap..... wow can i hug him hes amazing

awwww xia hanyu talking about wenhan..... wenhan’s really done a lot for him

wait that whole last bit where they leave dachang is just obvious iqiyi favoritism and it kinda makes me sad.....

UGH honestly the worst part about jia yi being so popular is that hes gonna miss his tyger gege’s when he has to leave them behind....

by the time lin mo was called, he was already so done... he looked so defeated.... because he knew they wouldnt be able to stay together and its so heartbreaking.....

OKAY THESE SPECIAL TEACHERS WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK. OH MY GOODNESSSSS HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE EVERY SINGLE TYGER MEMBER EXCEPT THE ONES THAT ACTUALLY NEED TO BE CHOSEN???!??!?!! THATS SO FRUSTRATING ALSDKJALSK LITERALLY EVEN IQIYI WANTED THEM TO BE CHOSEN!! THEY LITERALLY PAN TO EITHER JIN FAN OR ZHEN NAN AT EVERY SINGLE BREAK I SWEAR AALSKDJLKKSDK

jia yi hesitating at the end...... and zhen nan’s words at the end.... HES FREAKING 61!!!!!!1 61!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS FREAKING JIANG JINGZUO ALL OVER AGAIN BUT THEY DIDNT LET HIM SPEAK WTFFFFF ok if youre gonna keep giving zhen nan and jin fan screentime bc yall regret eliminating them so early why you dont give them screentime at the end when it really matters????? i wanna see what zhen nan would say (jingzuo’s last minute screentime got him a lot of attention too... the fact that they didnt give zhen nan any is NOT HELPING) and i wanna see jin fan and chen youwei’s freaking last friendship bc youwei was rooting for him the whole time bc HE KNOWS JIN FAN DESERVES TO MAKE IT!!!!

AHHHHHHHH LIN MO ITS LIN MO!!!??! HE’S INJURED!!?! AAAHHSHHGHHGHH NOT MY CHILD WTF NOOO!! lakjsdlakalsk omgosh please be alright..... it sounded like his voice making that pained sound, and the person was blonde so i think its lin mo....... noooo my heart.... i cant take more stress, we literally just had elims..... so lin mo has to say goodbye to his friends (including his best friend...) and then he gets injured???? alsdkjlakj ughhhh

omgosh daniel getting the special time at the end is just another stab to the heart goodness.... he was my favorite oaca kid from the start....

i cant believe chen you made it and daniel didnt.... also im so sad that like ou tianrui was the only one who didnt make it from bg project, that must be so sad... also sad that yao chi is the only one from mavericks that made it... losing all your closest friends at once :c im happy for guan yue and mingming going up, they deserve it

WHOEVER MADE THE ENDING CREDITS IS LIN MO BIASED HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA WTFFF THERES 3 CUTS OF HIM AND 2 OF THEM ARE REALLY EXTRA AND THE THIRD ISNT EVEN FROM THIS EPISODE HAHAHAH WHO INCLUDED THAT???!! i mean yes he looks very sad and is crying there but its like so random i laughed (im sorry)

okay not gonna lie i didnt cry as much as i thought i would. yes it was sad but i kinda already knew that jin fan and zhen nan werent gonna make it so i was more just FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY watching the whole thing and seeing them get random bits of screentime (YOURE TOO LATE IQIYI) but i heard rumors and then when i saw those goodbye videos they uploaded on weibo today....... my heart sank like oh goodness its real...... i cant live in denial forever.... I STILL CANT BELIEVE ZHEN NAN WAS FREAKING 61 AND JIN FAN WAS FREAKING UNDERAPPRECIATED WTFFFFF everyone on jin fan’s team im sure was rooting for him bc they knew how he was so vital to their success --- he literally taught them all the choreo wtf chen youwei would be nothing without jin fan..... ughhhh alsdkjalsdkjlaks this is so frustrating im so sad for him....... but now i just really wish jin fan and zhen nan do some really cool stuff and stay active while they wait for the others. i think its likely (sadly) that zhan yu will get eliminated the next round, (but im honestly surprised and grateful that the special teachers recognized his talent! he realllyy killed that ‘retreat’ stage even tho zhenning is getting all the attention) and lin mo is liked by iqiyi (i think) but i dont think he has enough potential to actually make it into the top 9... or maybe its just my wishful thinking bc i hope mr.tyger can go on promoting without jia yi, but without jia yi AND lin mo, itd get pretty rough for them, so if at least lin mo stays behind with mr. tyger, i think they could potentially still do somewhat well in the meantime while jia yi goes off to debut with the top 9 and they wait for him to come back

and now for my random predictions:

right now its rather fixed that wenhan, guan yue, and jia yi will make it. I think youwei, huaiwei, mingming, chunyang, wang jiayi are all likely, which means most of them will make it (but probably not all), and then xixi.... honestly i feel like xixi wont make it (BUT I REALLY LIKE XIXI) but i think iqiyi doesnt like him enough to give him enough screentime for him to make it (at least at this current rate....) also please note that YAO MINGMING WAS THE ONLY ONE FROM THE TOP 9 who did NOT get to go on that trip to leave dachang coughiqiyihatesmingming but luckily/hopefully mingming is popular enough to get votes anyway, LIKE MINE BC I VOTE FOR MINGMING). other than the current top 9, I think its likely either shi zhan or li zhenning or deng chaoyuan will make it. zhenning is the lowest of the three right now, but iqiyi likes him and hes gotten the approval of all the judges AND he was able to shoot up a ridiculous amount from pretty much just ONE DAY of voting (maybe a week at max, counting from the time they released the solo cams), and these votes have been tallying for the past month. so can you imagine how much more he’ll shoot up next time? he has a ton of potential to make it. shi zhan is already up there but iqiyi really likes him too bc of how hilarious he is, and jolin’s approved his smile so i can see him getting more and more screentime too. yao chi i think is also likely, bc he won 1st place visuals hahah that gets him attention from the public but also the staff, so i think theyll give him more and more screentime too. plus he has a touching backstory and mc jin has approved of him too. i think yao chi is someone who they’ve depicted as really humble and works really hard, and they like his smile. (who doesnt hahaha) but ofc there’s probably gonna be a lot of toss up in the rankings yet to come. from ip1 we learned that 70% of the kids were fixed from the start hahaha but 2-3 of them can come from behind, so who knows. iqiyi seems to really like cheche and wangzhe (how did wangzhe and wu chengze get to go on the trip to leave dachang but not mingming?? i mean i really like chengze tbh but i was just so surprised he was there! hahaha it seems so random bc hes #22?? i mean good for him but still)

anyway im all in all kinda all tired from watching a stressful 3 hrs lol but tbh i feel like they didnt show as much of the fun hotpot time as id hoped... and what about all the other rankings besides #1 visual? i dont really understand why they took a few random kids (who, no surprise, all dont get eliminated this ep) out of dachang for that trip.... i like a lot of those kids honestly, but id rather have seen more of the big group bonding / singing over hotpot (giving some of the kids who get eliminated some last screentime before they leave) or at least like find out who ranked in #1 boyfriend or something like that hahaha.... oh well..... now its time for me to go wallow in some mr tyger content so i can mourn the loss of our two children....

#rants #ok side note while i was watching i totaalllyy forgot to eat dinner LOL #so now its 830pm and im hungry af #thank you ip for making forget my basic living needs in favor of watching these children cry

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daisymondays · 7 years ago

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Yay for fandom positivity 2018! Could I please request drarry (sorry, you'll probably get a lot of that) for unadulteratedstorycollector to thank her for everything she does for fandom? Prompt: Either listening to Muggle music or watching Muggle films.

One can never have too much Drarry @tdcatsblog you know that, we all know that. I am delighted to write something for the amazing @unadulteratedstorycollector because she is an absolute sweetheart who does so many amazing (and underappreciated) things for this fandom. Kat, this is also from @untilourapathy who wanted a little something for you too - however its me so it ended up being longer than anticipated, but thats because im doing two in one

These are unbetaed so apologies for all mistakes

***

“Miss Parkinson, I don’t remember it ever being acceptable for you to eat during a lesson?” Professor Martin sighed, her brow furrowing.

“I’m just trying to get into the Muggle spirit,” Pansy sighed as she settled down into one of the large bean bags that Professor Martin had transfigured the chairs into. “Isn’t that what this class is all about, Miss?”

Harry bit his lip to stop himself laughing, he’d found he quite like Pansy after they’d dealt with everything that had happened in the war. That had been an ugly conversation to deal with, but they had come out better for it.

“Anyone want some popcorn? I bought loads,” Pansy continued, levitating the bags with a flick of her wand and distributing it. Martin sighed but didn’t say anything, Harry was pretty sure she was aware she was fighting a losing battle.

Malfoy sighed dramatically from beside Harry at Pansy’s antics, but Harry didn’t miss the way he reached over and nicked Pansy’s packet of Maltesers when she wasn’t looking.

“So,” Martin continued, ignoring Pansy and Blaise handing out Muggle cinema snacks in the background. “We took a vote last week and the winning Muggle film was…” Seamus started a drum roll, “The Lion King!”

Harry groaned under his breath, he’d never liked Disney films. There was something about cartoons that creeped him out.

“Oh shut up,” Malfoy hissed, his pointy elbow connecting with the soft spot just under Harry’s ribs. “I voted for this one.”

Harry tried not to find the proud look on Malfoy’s face enamouring. Harry spent a lot of his time trying and failing not to find a lot of things about Malfoy enamouring. There was something different about the pointy git this year, and they had ended up talking a lot. They had a lot to talk about after all.

Harry hadn’t meant to start whatever this thing with Malfoy was, but he had been feeling lonely. It wasn’t Ron and Hermione’s fault that they were wrapped up in each other, it was just how things had worked out. And one night when Harry hadn’t been able to sleep he had padded out into the eighth year common room to find Malfoy already there. Harry wasn’t sure what he had been tired of in that moment, but he had sat down next to Malfoy and started speaking, and to Harry’s surprise, Malfoy had started talking back.

It had been a slow and steady journey since then to where they were now. Harry wasn’t sure exactly where or what they were now, but he knew he liked Malfoy. A lot. And that he thought about Malfoy a lot… in a different way to before. And he was pretty sure Malfoy liked him too.

“I’m not surprised you have awful taste,” Harry murmured in Malfoy’s ear, grinning as Malfoy scowled at him.

“That’s rich coming from you, Potter,” Malfoy sniffed, but there was no heat in his sneer. Harry had learned to tell when Malfoy was joking now.

“Mr Potter! Mr Malfoy!” Professor Martin said, cutting off whatever spectacularly witty reply Harry was going to say. “If you would stop flirting so we can get on with the film?”

“We were not flirting,” Malfoy said firmly as everyone snickered.

Harry blushed and ducked his head until everyone’s attention was back on the screen.

“Weren’t we?” Harry whispered, gathering every bit of Gryffindor bravery he was supposed to have. He kind of thought they were flirting.

Malfoy glanced at him, his jaw slack and Harry regretted ever saying anything. He was a complete idiot.

“Sorry—” Harry started, wishing the world would swallow him whole.

“What on earth are you apologising for?” Malfoy whispered back, his eyebrows shooting up.

“For thinking you were flirting with me?” Harry said. He wasn’t completely sure why he had been apologising but that seemed like the right answer.

Malfoy bit his lip and frowned. “It’s okay, because I was.”

“You were?” Harry said, speaking too loudly in his excitement. Pansy hushed him and chucked a piece of popcorn his way. “You were?” Harry whispered this time, curling closer to Malfoy on their shared bean bag so no one could overhear them.

“You flirted with me first,” Malfoy huffed, but he was smiling.

Harry couldn’t stop the cheesy grin from growing over his face. “Guess I did.”

“Mr Potter!” Professor Martin snapped. Harry mimed zipping his mouth.

“Idiot,” Malfoy whispered, and Harry glared at him. However, when halfway through the movie Draco entwined their fingers Harry decided that he wasn’t that pissed off. Not really.

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jooheongif · 7 years ago

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it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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